Oscars So Will
By now, most people know what happened. It’s the talk of the week. I thought I’d weigh in as well.
Quick recap. For context, Jada has been very public about her battle with the disease, alopecia, which resulted in her shaving and embracing her bald head. During the Oscars telecast, Chris Rock made joke alluding to Jada Pinkett-Smith’s appearance by referencing the movie G.I. Jane. A few seconds later, Will Smith walks up to Chris and open-hand slaps him in the face. Will then, twice, yells at Chris, “Keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth!” Chris Rock, visibly shaken, took the high road and kept the show moving.
Will Smith would minutes later win the Academy Award for Best Actor and give a very emotionally charged acceptance speech in which he juxtaposed his real life to that of the character he portrayed and won the award for, Richard Williams, citing him as a “fierce defender of his family” among other sentiments. In that same speech, he also apologized to the Academy, the other nominees, and to the Williams family. He did not apologize to Chris publicly that night. He would later apologize to Chris via social media.
There are so many layers to this and I will not address them all. That said, I do feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings, observations and assertions, and inquiries. As a coach, I ALWAYS have questions!
THOUGHTS & FEELINGS
While I didn’t watch the Oscars live, I saw the headlines on social media almost immediately after the incident. I watched the footage, confused at first. I thought maybe it was something staged. But once I realized this was real, my confusion rapidly shifted to mortification and heartbreak—mostly the latter. This was heartbreaking to watch on numerous levels. My heart have been heavy with this ever since.
I think that Chris’ joke was definitely in poor taste and inappropriate, but did not warrant him being assaulted.
Many have expressed disappointment in Will for his actions. While I am dismayed that this incident occurred in the manner that it did, I can’t say that I’m disappointed in Will. I don’t know him personally. I do know parts of his story. I do observe his meticulously curated brand regularly. I do know he is human. I do not know HIM. Therefore, there is no room for me to judge or be disappointed in him. I feel a profound sense of empathy and compassion for him.
I also feel profound empathy and compassion for Chris and also for Jada.
I hate that Will’s Academy Award win will forever be tarnished by this and the lasting effects this will have regarding black actors.
OBSERVATIONS & ASSERTIONS
The irony. In 2016, Will and Jada were at the center of controversy with the “#OscarsSoWhite” campaign in which they boycotted the event for lack of black representation in the nominations. Chris Rock hosted the Oscars that year and made some jokes directed at Jada. Fast forward to 2022, Will and Jada are center stage again, in an altogether different Oscars controversy also involving Chris Rock. This is also important to highlight for context.
Will and Jada have been very public about their marriage. I can recall in an early episode of Jada’s show, Red Table Talk, she and Will discussed how at a certain point, they stopped referring to each other as “husband and wife.“ They instead started referring to each as “partners.” I find it also ironic that in the heat of the moment, Will’s aforementioned expletive towards Chris references Jada as “my wife.” The very patriarchal construct of marriage that Jada has publicly denounced rears its head in Will’s language.
While many were appalled by Will’s actions, others applauded. Actress Tiffany Haddish and others made remarks praising Will for “protecting his wife.” Further perpetuating a narrative of performative masculinity that men are supposed to “provide and protect.” She even stated if her man did that for her, she would reward him for it in the bedroom. I always find it interesting listening how women often play a significant role in these patriarchal constructs of masculinity.
Will has been very public about his childhood trauma of witnessing his father physically abuse his mother. He’s said that this trauma shifted the trajectory of his life. What I saw Oscars night was the 9-year-old boy who couldn’t protect his mother reacting from a very primal state. Even as he shouted expletives at Chris, the look on his face occurred to me as very childlike. Wounded people, unhealed, wound others.
I’ve heard quite a few people refer to Will’s “clean” brand he’s cultivated. From my vantage point, his brand is not squeaky clean. His brand has gotten real and dirty over the years. Look no further than his feud with Janet Hubert, which was a stain on his brand for decades, and only very recently resolved. This was yet another example of how effects from Will’s traumatic childhood impacts others in his adulthood. “Will Smith” is a brand. Willard Smith is a human. We saw Willard Smith, in all his messy humanness, that night.
INQUIRIES
I certainly don’t have the answers, but I do have lots of questions:
During the commercial break after the Oscars assault, several were seen rushing to Will’s aid to comfort him—which is great. AND… Who comforted Chris? Who comforted Jada?
What else was at play that built this tidal wave of emotion inside of Will that would have him react in that way?
What are Jada’s thoughts and feelings about all this? Does she get a say?
Did Jada REALLY need or even want “protection” in this situation? And if so, from what exactly?
Instead of being protective, could Will have taken a stand in a more impactful way?
When will we reframe these patriarchal notions that shape the constructs of performative masculinity that lead to destructive behavior?
When will we normalize emotional regulation and practicing more constructive ways of expressing anger rather than celebrating violent behavior as somehow heroic?
Are comedians still safe to perform, or are we now normalizing violence for telling bad jokes?
What interpretations and meanings are we all bringing to this incident?
What can we all learn from this unfortunate event?
I’m sure I’ll have more to ponder about this, especially considering I am currently immersed in my doctoral dissertation about this very topic of performative masculinity among black men. Consider this a sneak preview. I’ll leave it there for now.
