The Path of Totality: Embodying Total Uninterrupted Freedom

On April 8, 2024, I was blessed to experience the celestial dance of the solar eclipse for the first time. Following this event, I began to reflect on the phenomenon known as the path of totality. Along this narrow path, I witnessed the total eclipse of the sun—the moment when the moon perfectly aligns with the sun, casting a shadow of complete darkness upon the Earth while simultaneously creating a stunning ring of light around the moon. It is a spectacle of unity, where light and darkness converge in a harmonious embrace, creating an awe-inspiring spectacle for those fortunate enough to experience it.

Much like the path of totality, the journey of total uninterrupted freedom is one of alignment and convergence. It is the pursuit of harmony between our aspirations and realities, a quest to reconcile our deepest desires with the constraints of the world around us. Just as the moon must align precisely with the sun to manifest the path of totality, we must also align our innermost selves with our external circumstances to embody true freedom.

But what does it mean to experience a life of total uninterrupted freedom? It is more than simply breaking free from the shackles of external constraints. It is a state of being whole—where our actions are guided by authenticity, our pursuits are fueled by passion, and our lives are defined by purpose. It is the freedom to dream boldly and to pursue those dreams relentlessly, unencumbered by doubt or fear.

Yet, like the fleeting moments of a solar eclipse, the path of total uninterrupted freedom is not without its challenges. Encountering obstacles that obscure our vision or cast shadows upon our path is inevitable. We may face doubts and uncertainties that threaten to derail our journey. Yet, we must persevere in the face of adversity, steadfast in our commitment to realizing our fullest potential.

Ultimately, the path of totality is a magnificent metaphor for the journey of total uninterrupted freedom. It reminds us that true liberation is not found in the absence of challenges but rather in our ability to transcend them. It calls us to align our innermost desires with the external world, pursue our dreams with unwavering determination, and embrace the light and darkness within us as integral parts of this journey.

This one event symbolized a reset in my life. It is a renewal in which I re-evaluate all domains of my life, noticing any incongruences and misalignments hindering me from embodying my core value of freedom. I challenge us all to embark upon our paths of totality, guided by the light of our North Stars—our spiritual visions—and fueled by the darkness of our fears. In that convergence lies the essence of total uninterrupted freedom—the liberation to live authentically and unapologetically.

Warmly,
Dr. Freddy

The Rise of the Highly Sensitive Man

In this article, I want to explore a unique and deeply personal topic with you—the innate gift of being a highly sensitive person (or HSP). Often misunderstood and overshadowed by societal constructs, high sensitivity is not a weakness. It is a profound strength, especially for us men. The film “Sensitive: The Untold Story” plays a pivotal role in this conversation, highlighting that high sensitivity is neither a disorder nor a condition but a fundamental component of human diversity.

A New Understanding of Sensitivity

Remarkably, over 1.4 billion people, representing 20% of the global population, are highly sensitive, an attribute distributed equally among men and women. This vast number sharply emphasizes the importance of understanding and embracing the highly sensitive. In addition to being an introvert, I have recently recognized and accepted myself as an HSP.

It is also critical to distinguish high sensitivity from introversion, though they may sometimes overlap. Introversion primarily refers to a spectrum of how one chooses to recharge energetically. High sensitivity—also a spectrum—involves a heightened ability to notice, process, and feel the world around us with great depth and intensity.

The Four Key Characteristics of High Sensitivity

The traits of highly sensitive people can be summarized by the acronym DOES:

• Depth of processing: HSPs engage in complex thought processes and reflections.

• Overstimulation: They may become easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimuli.

• Empathy and Emotional responsiveness: Their emotional experience is intense, and they have a strong capacity for empathy.

• Sensitivity to Subtleties: They are acutely aware of nuances in their environment that others might overlook.

Understanding these characteristics is essential for acknowledging the true nature of the highly sensitive. It is a deeper, more intense engagement with the world.

The Reality of Highly Sensitive Men

High sensitivity is a term that emerged from the work of psychologists who identified a distinct trait characterized by deeper cognitive processing of sensory input, a higher emotional response, and a greater sensitivity to environmental stimuli. For highly sensitive men, everyday experiences can be more absorbing, from the emotional weight of a movie to the stress of a crowded room.

But this sensitivity does not fit neatly into the conventional molds of masculinity. Many highly sensitive men have felt the need to hide their true selves, fearing judgment or misunderstanding. They have grown up in a culture that idolizes stoicism and undervalues emotional expressiveness in men. They are rarely, if ever, gracious in allowing themselves space to be completely vulnerable, fearing the misperception of weakness.

Sensitivity: A Superpower

Yes, you read that right—a superpower. The narrative is shifting, and the strength inherent in sensitivity is slowly gaining recognition. Sensitivity allows for a greater capacity for empathy, making highly sensitive men compassionate friends, partners, and fathers.

Our sensitivity empowers us with empathy, creativity, and intuition, qualities that embolden us as natural leaders and pioneers. We can see beneath the surface, innovate, lead with heart, and identify solutions and insights that elude others.

How to Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Man

Thriving with high sensitivity is an art and a commitment to oneself. Here’s how we can cultivate and protect our superpower:

• Know and Respect Your Limits: Recognizing what overwhelms us is vital to caring for ourselves.

• Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable: Prioritizing activities that replenish our energy is crucial. Whether it’s a quiet walk in nature or a creative pursuit, find what fills your cup.

• Boundaries Are Your Best Friend: Saying no and setting personal boundaries with others protect our energy and emotional well-being.

• Find and Create Your Tribe: Surround yourself with those who understand and support your sensitivity. There’s strength and comfort in shared experiences.

• Embrace Your Strengths: Our deep processing, empathy, and attention to detail are tools that can guide us to fulfilling and impactful lives.

A Personal Journey

Depression is REAL. Over the years, I have experienced several bouts of depression—even recently. As a coach and a creative, I know that the world can often seem very cold and very lonely. Through it all, learning about being a highly sensitive person has been a Godsend. Even amidst depression, I have learned not to write off or diminish my emotions. Instead, I lean into them and find peace within the storm clouds looming above my head. Doing so ultimately ignites my creativity, harnessing my high sensitivity as fuel to the flame. Thus, I now view my sensitivity as a gift.

Closing Thoughts

The worldview around sensitive men is evolving. Books, discussions, and awareness are paving the way for a broader understanding and even a reimagining of what it means to be a man. Sensitivity is recognized as a societal asset that encourages emotional intelligence and fosters genuine connections.

Being a highly sensitive man is a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and empowerment. By embracing our nature, we challenge outdated norms and lead by example. We prove that strength comes in many forms, including the courage to be vulnerable and empathetic.

Consider this an invitation to see the world and ourselves in a different light. Viewing sensitivity as a superpower rather than a flaw to overcome allows us to lead, love, and live with significant impact. Together, let’s continue to navigate the path of sensitivity with courage, understanding, and an open heart. Remember, your sensitivity is a gift to the world.

Warmly,
Freddy

Frederick C. Sanders, Ph.D., MCC
The Freedom Architect™
https://fcsanders.com

P.S.—Please share and forward this to someone who may find this insight valuable.

Cutting Cords: The Path to Living Uninterrupted

In today's fast-paced world, we constantly encounter distractions and attachments—I like to call them interruptions—that can leave us feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and even trapped. One of the most effective ways to reclaim our power, embody total freedom, and live an uninterrupted life is by cutting cords and relinquishing attachments.

Cutting cords refers to the practice of breaking negative patterns and relationships that are holding you back. This can be anything from toxic friendships and unhealthy romantic relationships to unhealthy work environments and negative thought patterns. By cutting these cords, you are making a conscious decision to let go of anything that is not serving you and your growth.

Relinquishing attachments refers to the practice of actively letting go of the need to control outcomes, and instead, trusting in the natural flow of life. This can be difficult, as it requires us to let go of our need for security and certainty. But when we do, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities that we may have never even imagined.

In my exploration of my interruptions and attachments, I identified quite a few that often creep in and barricade me from moving forward:

1. The underlying need for approval, external validation, and being liked… as if my being liked somehow increases my value or self-worth. Individuals who embody total freedom are often not liked, which is of limited importance to them. We relinquish the need for external validation and source it internally.

2. The laughable illusion that I am ever “in control” of anything. Individuals who embody total freedom relinquish the idea that ”control” is needed. We practice the principle of acceptance. We recognize the distinction between control and power. Control is to force an outcome. Power is our ability to choose and create.

3. The need to look good and maintain a particular narrative regarding my image—presenting the appearance of having it all together—to gain the validation and approval I seek in attachment #1. Totally free beings understand that “greatness” begins with accepting our wholeness (integrity).

4. The need to be right… or unwillingness to be wrong. Not allowing the learning inherent with not being right. Total freedom entails relinquishing the need to be right altogether. Being right only serves the ego. Being willing to be wrong engages curiosity and opens up new possibilities.

5. The need to always reside in the comfort zone. Total freedom embodiment is being okay with temporary discomfort. It entails practicing the art of allowing discomfort and viewing it as another opportunity for growth. There’s also an underlying belief that my freedom is tied to my comfort; thus, I tend to repel any action or task that might propel me towards freedom if my comfort is perceived to be threatened. For me, this shows up with financial freedom. Totally free beings allow freedom and abundance to flow at all times, including moments of discomfort. We recognize our freedom is not circumstantial; it is a choice.

6. The need for perfection. What does “perfection” even mean? I make it up. And, the goal post changes every time. When is it ever ENOUGH. Total freedom does not require a subscription to the illusion of perfection. In fact, totally free beings redefine perfection as completion. Errors and mis-takes are allowed; they are part of the process. We declare when we are complete when we determine it is enough. Amendments and improvements are made by choice.

7. The self-concept and perceived identity. Totally free individuals practice being mindfully aware that this is all made up. We build the very houses we trap ourselves in. It is a constant reminder that we are not these walls of thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and attachments. We are the observer of them. Our freedom lies beyond these walls.

8. The automatic perception that everything is about me. Embodying total freedom entails taking ownership of my role in creating my life without making myself the victim. Totally free beings understand that life occurs. Life happens. Life is not happening TO us. Life is happening THROUGH us. Others’ life choices only impact me to the degree that I allow them, according to my choices. Their choices are not about me. My choices are about me.

9. The inclination to place people I love on pedestals. I often give the opinions of people I love more weight than I should. Parents. Lovers. Close friends. Colleagues. Totally free beings check in with SELF first. Our values ALWAYS hold more weight in our own lives. If not, we will always be contouring ourselves to fit into their narratives of us until our sense of self fuses with that narrative.

10. The perception that everything has (or needs to have) a deeper meaning. NOTHING has any inherent meaning except for that which we give it. Totally free beings keep this at the forefront of the psyche. Peace resides here.

By cutting cords and relinquishing attachments, we can step out of our comfort zones, and into a world of total freedom and possibility. No longer held back by negative patterns and relationships, or the need to control outcomes, we are free to create the lives we truly desire.

It's important to remember that cutting cords and relinquishing attachments is not a one-time event, it's a continuous process. It takes time and effort, but the rewards are well worth it. Start by taking a look at the relationships and patterns in your life, and make a conscious decision to sever ties to anything that is not serving you. Make sure it is severed at the root. Trust in the natural flow of life, and watch as portals to new worlds open up for you.

Total freedom is not about being free from attachments and interruptions, but rather, it's about being free to generate the life we envision despite them. By cutting cords and relinquishing attachments, we can source and embody total freedom, and live life… UNINTERRUPTED.

Oscars So Will

By now, most people know what happened. It’s the talk of the week. I thought I’d weigh in as well.

Quick recap. For context, Jada has been very public about her battle with the disease, alopecia, which resulted in her shaving and embracing her bald head. During the Oscars telecast, Chris Rock made joke alluding to Jada Pinkett-Smith’s appearance by referencing the movie G.I. Jane. A few seconds later, Will Smith walks up to Chris and open-hand slaps him in the face. Will then, twice, yells at Chris, “Keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth!” Chris Rock, visibly shaken, took the high road and kept the show moving.

Will Smith would minutes later win the Academy Award for Best Actor and give a very emotionally charged acceptance speech in which he juxtaposed his real life to that of the character he portrayed and won the award for, Richard Williams, citing him as a “fierce defender of his family” among other sentiments. In that same speech, he also apologized to the Academy, the other nominees, and to the Williams family. He did not apologize to Chris publicly that night. He would later apologize to Chris via social media.

There are so many layers to this and I will not address them all. That said, I do feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings, observations and assertions, and inquiries. As a coach, I ALWAYS have questions!

THOUGHTS & FEELINGS

1. While I didn’t watch the Oscars live, I saw the headlines on social media almost immediately after the incident. I watched the footage, confused at first. I thought maybe it was something staged. But once I realized this was real, my confusion rapidly shifted to mortification and heartbreak—mostly the latter. This was heartbreaking to watch on numerous levels. My heart have been heavy with this ever since.

2. I think that Chris’ joke was definitely in poor taste and inappropriate, but did not warrant him being assaulted.

3. Many have expressed disappointment in Will for his actions. While I am dismayed that this incident occurred in the manner that it did, I can’t say that I’m disappointed in Will. I don’t know him personally. I do know parts of his story. I do observe his meticulously curated brand regularly. I do know he is human. I do not know HIM. Therefore, there is no room for me to judge or be disappointed in him. I feel a profound sense of empathy and compassion for him.

4. I also feel profound empathy and compassion for Chris and also for Jada.

5. I hate that Will’s Academy Award win will forever be tarnished by this and the lasting effects this will have regarding black actors.

OBSERVATIONS & ASSERTIONS

1. The irony. In 2016, Will and Jada were at the center of controversy with the “#OscarsSoWhite” campaign in which they boycotted the event for lack of black representation in the nominations. Chris Rock hosted the Oscars that year and made some jokes directed at Jada. Fast forward to 2022, Will and Jada are center stage again, in an altogether different Oscars controversy also involving Chris Rock. This is also important to highlight for context.

2. Will and Jada have been very public about their marriage. I can recall in an early episode of Jada’s show, Red Table Talk, she and Will discussed how at a certain point, they stopped referring to each other as “husband and wife.“ They instead started referring to each as “partners.” I find it also ironic that in the heat of the moment, Will’s aforementioned expletive towards Chris references Jada as “my wife.” The very patriarchal construct of marriage that Jada has publicly denounced rears its head in Will’s language.

3. While many were appalled by Will’s actions, others applauded. Actress Tiffany Haddish and others made remarks praising Will for “protecting his wife.” Further perpetuating a narrative of performative masculinity that men are supposed to “provide and protect.” She even stated if her man did that for her, she would reward him for it in the bedroom. I always find it interesting listening how women often play a significant role in these patriarchal constructs of masculinity.

4. Will has been very public about his childhood trauma of witnessing his father physically abuse his mother. He’s said that this trauma shifted the trajectory of his life. What I saw Oscars night was the 9-year-old boy who couldn’t protect his mother reacting from a very primal state. Even as he shouted expletives at Chris, the look on his face occurred to me as very childlike. Wounded people, unhealed, wound others.

5. I’ve heard quite a few people refer to Will’s “clean” brand he’s cultivated. From my vantage point, his brand is not squeaky clean. His brand has gotten real and dirty over the years. Look no further than his feud with Janet Hubert, which was a stain on his brand for decades, and only very recently resolved. This was yet another example of how effects from Will’s traumatic childhood impacts others in his adulthood. “Will Smith” is a brand. Willard Smith is a human. We saw Willard Smith, in all his messy humanness, that night.

INQUIRIES

I certainly don’t have the answers, but I do have lots of questions:

1. During the commercial break after the Oscars assault, several were seen rushing to Will’s aid to comfort him—which is great. AND… Who comforted Chris? Who comforted Jada?

2. What else was at play that built this tidal wave of emotion inside of Will that would have him react in that way?

3. What are Jada’s thoughts and feelings about all this? Does she get a say?

4. Did Jada REALLY need or even want “protection” in this situation? And if so, from what exactly?

5. Instead of being protective, could Will have taken a stand in a more impactful way?

6. When will we reframe these patriarchal notions that shape the constructs of performative masculinity that lead to destructive behavior?

7. When will we normalize emotional regulation and practicing more constructive ways of expressing anger rather than celebrating violent behavior as somehow heroic?

8. Are comedians still safe to perform, or are we now normalizing violence for telling bad jokes?

9. What interpretations and meanings are we all bringing to this incident?

10. What can we all learn from this unfortunate event?

I’m sure I’ll have more to ponder about this, especially considering I am currently immersed in my doctoral dissertation about this very topic of performative masculinity among black men. Consider this a sneak preview. I’ll leave it there for now.

Reverence: The Cure for Cancel Culture

This will no doubt be one of my longer entries, and for purposeful reason…

What is cancel culture?

According to Wikipedia:

Cancel culture or call-out culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person. Those subject to this ostracism are said to have been "cancelled".

My concern regarding this cancel culture is our freedom of interpretation. Interpretation is what we do every day as humans. With cancel culture, there’s no room for people to be what we call “wrong”. Thus, there’s no room for learning and growth.

I often hear, “They should just know better!” or “It’s not my job to teach people…!”

But it IS your job to “cancel” people? That’s incongruent. Moreover, how does anyone “just know” lessons they have not yet learned? How does anyone know what they don’t know? ALL of us have blind spots. Some more and varying degrees than others, but we ALL have them. Thus, we are ALL each other’s teachers.

My alternative resolution for cancel culture begins with REVERENCE.

I encountered a deeper delve into reverence in my recent reading of Gary Zukav’s The Seat of the Soul. I forgot to highlight it in my last entry, but I think that brain fog omission further inspired this entry.

So…

What is reverence?

Zukav defines, “Reverence is engaging in a form and a depth of contact with Life that is well beyond the shell of form and into essence.”

It’s how we put into intentional practice the honoring of this thing we call life, in its fullest essence.

He also asserts:

Our behavior and values are so much shaped by perceptions that lack reverence that we do not know what it is like to be reverent. When we curse a competitor or strive to disempower another person, we absent ourselves from reverence. When we work to take instead of to give, we labor without reverence. When we strive for safety at the expense of another person’s safety, we deprive ourselves of the protection of reverence. When we judge one person as superior and another as inferior we depart from reverence. When we judge ourselves, we do the same thing. Business, politics, education, sex, raising families, and personal interactions without reverence all produce the same result: human beings using other human beings.

Having reverence, I believe, is a more holistic and dignified practice than cancel culture. Reverence for life to allow space and grace for people to be “wrong”—which we all are from time to time… for learning and growth rather than ostracizing… to correct rather than cancel… to evolve rather than exile.

For instance:

Whoopi Goldberg recently shared her interpretation of the Holocaust, stating, “The Holocaust isn’t about race… It’s man’s inhumanity to man.” When contextualized with race as it is defined in America, her statement was not completely wrong, it was at best incomplete. She later corrected herself on Twitter saying, “I should have said it was about both.”

The aftermath included Goldberg being suspended—in effect, temporarily “cancelled”.

I hear 2 distinct conversations being had… 1) What is a race? (And is “Jewish” considered a race?)… and 2) Was the Holocaust about race?

Rev Al Sharpton, in his recent interview on The Breakfast Club, shared, “There’s no doubt Hitler went after the Jews as a race. He went for the white supremacist, white Aryan. It was based on race.”

These are when REAL, AUTHENTIC, DEEPER conversations get to be had regarding the distinctions of racial constructs and the perceptions of race globally. Hitler perceived Jewish people as a race separate from his Aryan race and used that a justification for dehumanizing and murdering them. My assertion is that all manner of race is perceived, made up, reductive, divisive, and, in effect, dehumanizing. That’s my interpretation… And a much deeper conversation for another day, maybe…

My overarching point…

Cancel culture doesn’t allow for these types of conversations to be had. It rather shuts them down out of fear of making people uncomfortable. What’s more humanizing than allowing ourselves human dignity to feel human emotions and communicating about it?

In fact, when people feel discomfort, that’s exact the time to CONVERSE, not cancel. That’s the time to CORRECT, not cancel. That’s the time to COMPLETE incomplete narratives, not cancel them. That’s the time we all get to LEARN and EVOLVE together as a collective, HUMAN RACE. 

The irony that I write this on the day that we celebrate love. What greater expression of love than gratitude and reverence for life!

Soul Food

I finally read The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav about a week ago while on a road trip (the audio version of course).

My soul was fed.

Here are 10 of my most valuable takeaways:

1. The soul is the truest, deepest essence of who “I” am beyond the physical form.

2. Inquiry: Where did the “I” (my soul) come from? How did the “I” manifest into what it is today?

3. One of the most powerful questions I can ask someone: “How do you wish to learn?”

4. The journey to the soul is through the heart.

5. Agency (our dignity of choice) is sourced through the soul.

6. Power is an energetic force within, not an exertion of force without.

7. Temptation is the dress rehearsal for negative karma

8. Trust equals not insisting that the universe comply with my understanding of it.

9. ”God” is in my heart, not in my narratives.

10. Hatred of evil does not diminish evil, it increases it.

Unpack that.

Life Simplified

One very powerful lesson I’ve been learning daily since the new year…

Power is in the SIMPLICITY. Freedom is in the SIMPLICITY.

Simplify EVERYTHING.

I have a history of over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-engineering, over-delivering. I can maximize all my capacities—to give and to receive—by reducing all fractions to the lowest common denominator.

This will be one of my greatest challenges over the next several months…

Remembering (even with this post)…

Simple is ENOUGH.

Re-Learning Learning

LEARNING is the essential core of the human experience.

Yet, there are many barriers to learning.
One of the most common barriers to learning is our inability to admit and accept when “I DON’T KNOW”.

Especially as adults, we fall into the trap of this idea that there are certain things we’re “supposed to know.” Thus, we navigate the world acting or pretending to know that which we really don’t, because we have not yet learned it.

Learning is not something only children do. We are learning our entire lives.

In fact, our educational systems here in America, I would assert, are not the most conducive for learning. They are designed for standardizing and industrializing civilization. Memorize information, recall memory on tests and exams, get “good” grades, graduate, get a job… and so on. It’s a means to a specific end result.

Majority of traditional academic institutions do not teach us HOW to learn—or more importantly, to explore HOW WE learn.

When we RE-LEARN learning itself, new possibilities are revealed. Befriending the process of learning begets innovation.

The first step to befriending learning is our willingness to embrace the not knowing and accept what we don’t know—with curiosity, not resignation.

Contrary to popular belief, knowledge is not power. Knowledge is potential.

Embodied learning is power. What we apply, integrate, practice, and embody is our power.

We call this… MASTERY. The lifelong commitment to being a student in any chosen domain. Mastery is not an arrival to some destination. Mastery is the journey itself. It is a process.

When we are curious, we innovate and generate portals to new worlds.

Imagine the world we would live in if we ALL opened our willingness and expanding our capacities to learn.

I truly believe… The most INTIMATE thing we will ever do in life is LEARN.

And in the words of my master teacher and mentor…

“The moment we stop learning, we stop loving.”
—Bettie J. Spruill

My Decree for 2022

The time is now to source, generate, and embody TOTAL FREEDOM. This is my personal decree for 2022.

This decree is based on the assertion that I am not a foregone conclusion. I am not static. I am not fixed. I am a dynamic, flexible, evolving BEING.

I declare myself as a FREE SOUL!

How will I activate this declaration practically?

1. Actively choosing the process and not the result. Openness to learn.

2. Actively choosing to embrace the mess, the discomfort, the rigor. Responsibility and ownership of my chosen path.

3. Actively choosing to be vulnerable and share my humanness (mediocrity). Let my belly out.

4. Actively choosing to trust myself and allow everything to be my teacher. The art of ALLOWING.

5. Actively choosing to embody the freedom of ENOUGHNESS. My presence is enough. I am enough.

6. Actively choosing abundance from that space of enoughness. Living in the “both, and”… for I am worthy of more than enough.

7. Actively choosing to check in with myself and be aware of my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Mindful awareness & presence.

8. Actively choosing to let go of the construct of perfectionism. Freedom to PLAY.

9. Actively choosing to offer myself GRACE. Being loving and compassionate with myself.

10. Actively choosing to embody the context of my grandest vision at all times. Energetic boundaries.

“The purpose of life is to recreate myself anew in the next golden moment of now, in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever I held about who I am.”
—Neale Donald Walsch